Tiny Terrible Merrible

avaeryn:

hookersorcake:

Pro Writing Tip #532: Ditch the metaphor. If you have to compare whatever it is that you’re writing about to something more grand, then you’re probably writing some boring sentimental tripe.

Compare the following two sentences.

• He crossed the road like stubborn old war horse, his rage and pride pulling him along in spite of his wounds.

• He crossed the road like a stupid fucking old man crossing a road.

Sentence number two, right? Its so much better! Its like a dumb stoner trying to write something funny, but he can’t figure it out so he just ends it.

First, I like the first sentence better… minus the simile. I love metaphors but I don’t like similes. 

Second, doesn’t the second sentence have a simile in it too? He crossed like a…old man? I mean, it’s the same as saying he crossed like a war horse right? Or am I completely crazy?

I feel like there really needs to be only one pro writing tip: Get an editor so you don’t end up with shitty writing published like Stephanie Meyer!

Seriously, I think she edited her work herself… 

I accidentally liked the first message and not Brittany’s. Weird tumblr. Anyway, I totally agree that this pro tip is not thought through and the War Horse simile is better than the old man simile.

That being said, the first sentence needs some editing. Is he walking across the road as if he were the war horse or as if he is riding on a war horse? Isn’t it, technically, his rage and pride that is like a war horse that his pulling him across the road in spite himself? Also, I think instead of using a comma to join that dependent clause at the end, I would use an em dash or a colon. Or! You could even turn that dependent clause into an independent one and join it with a semicolon or use a period. Options :D (Also an article is missing before stubborn war horse.)

…But those are just my thoughts. :/